2013 was definitely a year of learning and faith. I struggled with letting Chandler go, when his mom decided to move to Florida and he decided he wanted to go. I just wasn't sure how our family could still be a family with him being so far away so much of the time. I reflected again and again on the promptings I had received when he was much younger. The Spirit whispered to me long ago how important our time was together--to teach and guide him because I would be required to let go much sooner than another parent. I'm so grateful we can be together now without the tension and pressure that was so much a part of our daily living during our custody battles. I'm grateful Chandler wants to be home with us and enjoys his time fully. Although his comings and goings ripple our world a little, I am so glad when he comes home.
I also struggled with several disappointments as Scott and I explored different fertility options this past year. I'm pretty sure we did everything we could financially and physically to have another child of our own. Watson repeatedly speaks of having a sister or more brothers and my heart wants that so much for him. And for me. I don't feel done. I wish I did. It would make our situation so much easier. But, I trust Heavenly Father has a plan. His plan is better than mine. I am continually learning how to be ok with that. I'm not there yet, I still wish I had a glimpse of what's in store. But I don't. So my faith will continue to carry me forward.
Although these things have been a struggle this year, I feel very blessed. Scott continues to receive inspiration for work and it has blessed our family greatly. He is so good at wanting to give us what we need and much of what we want. I'm grateful he is mine and we get to do this life together. I have been strong and healthy and able to whatever was required. I do feel that I have been able to run and not be weary. Watson has been strong and healthy and smart. He continually amazes me with how much he knows and can do. Although Chandler isn't home much, he is healthy and strong. I'm thankful he is safe when he's away. I'm grateful to live so close to my family and have lots of time together.
We spent New Year's Eve with a couple of other families in our neighborhood, the Ellisors and Kitchens. It was fun to get together with the kids and eat and play games and ring in the new year. The boys had a great time with friends. New Year's day was calm at our house. We did lots of sleeping, watching movies, playing video games and relaxing. Scott and Chandler met up with friends to shoot lots of guns west of Utah Lake. Good male bonding, I guess. I was happy to be home, in our cozy house, snuggled next to Watson. It was a great way to start 2014.
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